Join your fellow Life After Loss Academy students in a private Facebook group to share grief stories, discuss the week's lesson, and get support on hard days.
Weekly Guidance Calls
I'll be going LIVE in our private Facebook group every Friday at 1:00pm Central Time to work through the week's lesson with you in real time.
Each week, I'll be sharing links to my favorite books, articles, podcasts, and teachers. If you like to go down the rabbit hole like I I do, you'll love these.
Everything feels upside-down. You can't tell which way is up. And even places like home no longer feel that way. The life you were living vanished the moment your person died.
You know you're "supposed to grieve," but you don't know the "right" way to do it. Society, friends, family, and even you have expectations about what grief "should" look like. The pressure is overwhelming, so you push your voice and emotions under the surface. You wish someone would hand you a book called Grief: 101 so you'd have the relief of a clear answer.
You kind of hate everything, including yourself. This isn't the life you wanted. This certainly isn't the life you asked for. And by the way—who IS this person you've become now? Grief has made both you and your life unrecognizable to you.
Needless to say, it's not easy to be alive.
"I should get help" is swirling around in your brain (along with the fifty million other things you've got swirling around up there)
You're actively on a quest to find help that works for you and your grief but you have no idea where to start
No matter which camp you sit in, one thing is for certain: you want more help, more support, and more clarity than you have right now.
I felt lost, helpless, and totally disoriented. Every day felt like moving through mud and dense fog, with heavy iron weights strapped to my ankles. Everything that felt safe and secure in the "before" was destroyed in the "after."
I knew I was "supposed to grieve" but I had no idea what that looked like. I felt an intense pressure to grieve and be "doing well" at the same time. My grief references from movies and TV were not helpful and I struggled to be the type of griever that people wanted me to be.
I hated every aspect of my new life. I gave a big, fat middle finger to people who told me I had to "find my new normal." My mom's death shattered my present... but also my future. "Normal" was no longer applicable to me or my life.
How was I supposed to come back from this?
1. I needed to feel like I was safe in the world again. I wanted ground underneath my feet, rituals that were warm and soothing, and a place that felt like home.
2. I needed to toss the image of "the perfect griever" out the window. I wanted reassurance that I was grieving the right way for me and freedom from society's stifling "shoulds."
3. I needed to grieve the life I would never live. I wanted to really honor the hopes, dreams, and expectations that never got to be so I could fully participate in the life death dropped on my doorstep.
Without those three things, I knew I would not survive.
(I would be alive, yes. But I would not be living.)
Something would be missing from the heart of me.
That's just one sentence, but I want you to read it again. As a result of creating stability, saying goodbye to "the perfect griever," and grieving the life I never got to live, I felt SAFE and LOVED in the world again.
My grief did not "go away." I was not "cured" of feeling lost, broken, or sad...
... But I felt like I had ground to stand on. I felt like I was safe to explore my grief in a deep way. And I felt an enormous amount of love for the person that my mother's death had forced me to become.
Holy moly. After years and years of isolation, heartache, and absolute darkness, this was a revelation.
I walked myself back to myself after the worst thing that ever happened to me.
And this was not religious. This was not orchestrated by god or the universe or some woo-woo power in the sky. When I say DIVINE I'm speaking of the thing that is at the core of all of us; the thing that makes us human.
I thought that core sense of ME was lost forever—sucked into darkness the moment my mother died. Turns out she wasn't. She had just been flung very, very far from home.
Learning how to feel safe again, learning how to remove the heavy burden of perfection, and learning how to love myself even though I lost someone I loved with all of my heart were all lessons that brought me back home.
I came home to myself in my grief.
I looked around and thought, "Every grieving person should have access to these tools—so they can have access to this feeling.
This is what grieving people are missing: this sense of being safe, loved, and at home in the midst of the worst thing that has ever happened.
It is not a self-help "trend" or a step-by-step checklist for how to live a better life.
It's a roadmap for navigating your way back to center.
Your future self has the porch light turned on for you.
My job in Life After Loss Academy is to help you find it—to deliver you back to your own doorstep and help you feel safe, whole, and loved in the process.
Loss dropped you far from home. But you don't have to stay there.
Let's do the work of walking you back to your center... to the thing that's missing from the heart of you.
Now, let me level with you here and now:
It WILL teach you how to create stability, self-compassion, and love in the midst of it.
I can't teach you how to fix your grief... but I can teach you how to create a sense of home inside of it.
I can't tell you how to grieve... but I can tell you how to love yourself while you're grieving.
I can't help you appreciate the circumstances of your loss... but I can help you embrace the life that loss has forced you to live.
Week 1: Build a Home Base
Because loss alters our sense of home, we'll work together to create a place to put down energetic and emotional roots. We'll return to your "home base" every week.
Week 2: Practice Feeling Safe
It's not easy to feel like you can relax after a devastating loss. Week 2 is all about consciously re-learning what it feels like to be safe and secure in the world... and in your mind.
Week 3: Cultivate Self-Trust
Doubt reigns supreme in the aftermath of loss. This week, we'll make space for anxiety, fear, and uncertainty and find ways for you to start to trust yourself again.
Week 4: Take an Identity Inventory
You're not who you used to be. We'll take stock of all of the identities you lost when loss shattered your life and honor the fact that they may no longer be true for you.
Week 5: Release the Old You
With massive deep breaths, we'll work together to release the person who died the moment your loss happened i.e. "the old you."
Week 6: Say Goodbye to "The Perfect Griever"
This week is all about bridging the gap between what we think grief "should" look like and how it's actually showing up. Say goodbye to the pressure of perfectionism!
Week 7: Allow Anger and Disappointment to Speak
It's absolutely normal to be pissed that loss happened and grief changed you. Week 7 is all about giving voice to the hopes, dreams, and expectations that will never come to life.
Week 8: Embrace the New You
Loss has forced you to become someone you never thought you would be. We'll work together to find ways for you to love who that person is... and how far they've carried you.
Week 9: Humanize Your Grief
Grief is not a disease to be cured; it's a long-term relationship that changes and shifts just like we do. This week, we'll give your grief a body and a voice.
Week 10: Say Yes to Life with Grief
You didn't want this life, but it was the hand you were dealt. Create a contract that commits to showing up for yourself and your grief.
Week 11: Craft Your Grief Story
When we make grief into a story, we hold the power as storytellers. Learn how to tell friends, family, and coworkers about your loss without feeling like you're sharing too much... or too little.
Week 12: Honor Your Journey
You've come a long way, darling. Take this final week to acknowledge the person you were twelve weeks ago and honor the work you've done.
Warm, compassionate, kind
While I can never promise you relief from the pain and heartache of loss, I can help you take off the gloves... so you can stop fighting, resisting, and hating the very human process of grieving.